Wisdom that could be useful - or not

These are the worst!

• Lack of Sleep
• High Stress and burnout from work or having poor boundaries
• Isolation and loneliness
• Negativity - chronic negative self-talk
• Screen Time
• Pornography use
• Substances to regulate your mood
• Overeating

Try to break these bad habits. Take action!

Feeling down? Depressed? Anxious? It can be hard to think about others when this is going on.

Here's an idea

If you're in a bad place, try doing something for someone else. Helping others will make everyone feel better. Including you. Your focus will shift from your problems to something outside of yourself. You will probably find that it is hard to be down while serving someone else.

Be of real service to people

Way back in 1954 there was a movie starring Rock Hudson called Magnificent Obsession. Don't watch it unless you're totally bored because it's not that great.

The most interesting part of the movie is when Rock's character (Bob Merrick) meets a successful painter who tells him how he got to be a success by establishing contact with the source of infinite power. The man points to an unlit lamp. While not turned on, the lamp is cold and dark. All the parts are there but nothing is happening. It's a perfect light but it isn't turned on, so it sits there idle. When he turns the switch on, it establishes contact. Then the bulb draws power from the energy source, and it lights up. The wires connecting the lamp to the power source are insulated. This is to keep the power from diminishing.

It's the same with people. We all have our own energy source. It's very simple to make contact with it. When you do, you can fulfill your destiny. All you have to do is be of real service to people. Find people who need help and help them but, when possible, in secret. Never let it be known and never ask to be repaid. Keeping the good deed to yourself is the most important part. It's just like the insulated wires. Without them, the power will be dissipated. If people find out about your good deeds, the power will be lessened.

Most people's personalities are grounded because they don't know this. Keeping good deeds, a secret releases the power of your personality.

Some people seem to enjoy wallowing in negativity. But you know what? Just choose not to be a loser, and you can totally have a great life. It all starts with you. Sure, bad stuff happens, but if that’s all you focus on, you’ll just spiral into sadness. That’s always the case.

Your problems aren’t anything special, and they’re not really that huge. Seriously, they’ve been tackled before! We tend to view the world as this massive thing, but you know what? The more you shrink your world down, the bigger your problems seem to get.

Nobody’s gonna swoop in to save you. There’s no magical moment or mentor showing up outta nowhere. Yeah, it might take a bit, but you can totally sort out the issues you think you’ve got. If you’re strapped for cash today, sure, you might still be tomorrow, but in five years? That’ll be a different story if start making good choices.

Now get going!

Do you dwell on bad stuff and ruin your day?

Your brain is only capable of thinking about so much. If you are focused on only one thing, it is hard to focus on the other things around you.

Imagine that your daily tasks are things on a shelf. Take control of the shelf space and fill it with whatever you want.

Try filling it with positive thoughts. We are not designed to dwell on things that are going well. Learn to imagine positive outcomes in a variety of ways so when your shelf space gets some room, fill it.

Don't let the shelf fill itself. Fill it with whatever you want. For example, some people crowd out bad memories on their shelf and fill it with work instead.

I challenge you to do all the things you're supposed to do today. You're supposed to work out, eat well, get good sleep, drink water, do cardio, take care of your business.

If you do all the things you're supposed to do, it's impossible to feel depressed or have anxiety. You can't feel bad if you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing.

The more you live a life, the less depression you'll have.

Sadness can be looked at as the absence of happiness. For whatever reason, we just aren’t happy. We often think it takes something that happens to make us sad, but more often than not, sadness may be due to something that isn’t happening, something we need.

Here are some things that can cause sadness

• Not getting enough sleep.
• Too much junk food and not enough good nutrition.
• Loneliness; we need to be with other people. It’s nice to have alone time, but we need to be sure we don’t spend too much time by ourselves.
• Not communicating. If we are upset, angry, or hurt, we should talk to someone. More often than not, giving words to our feelings allows us to put them in perspective.

If we didn’t get sad sometimes, how could we be happy? Really? Life is about opposites . . . things going right and things going wrong.

Fairness is a concept that was created so that people would have something to complain about.

Because do you know what’s fair? Nothing.

There are things that you imagine are fair.

There are things you say are fair, but there’s nothing like fairness in the universe.

You can’t get yourself a handful of fairness.

You can’t even get two people to agree what’s fair.

My mom would say, the fair only comes to town once a year and it looks like you missed it.

The worst thing a man can lose is respect. Men can live and be happy without money or lots of other things, but the loss of respect is devastating. This can happen when men marry a woman who doesn't respect him. This is the influence women can have.

GK Chestman said that a man must be loved to become lovable like beauty and the beast. A bad woman can have the opposite effect turning a prince back into the beast.

When you love and respect someone you want them to be the best version of themselves. The good news that it's pretty easy to spot the wrong woman. Don't be blinded by good looks.

Instead, go by a basic checklist when dating.

• Does she respect me? You should be able to figure this out quickly. This is an important skill.
• Does she cheer you on? Does she root for you or is she more focused on herself? Does she ask questions about you or is it all about her?
• Does she want you to have a close relationship with your family or friends? Or does she want you to be isolated?
• Is she kind?
• Does she have empathy?

A gifted phony can fool you, but most phonies aren't that great so you will see through them if you look hard enough.

Luck isn't random. It's engineered.

Some ideas on how to get lucky:

• Expect luck to happen
• Go where the energy is
• Network rigorously
• Stack skills
• Gain experience
• Keep trying stuff
• Fail forward
• Try some long shots

If you give yourself this many opportunities for luck to find you, luck's gonna find you.

Ambition isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s not merely about money, success, or competition. Ambition is the drive to do the things you want to have done, instead of always choosing whatever feels good in the moment.

The Trap of Instant Pleasure

If your only guiding principle is “do whatever feels good right now,” you’ll never accomplish anything meaningful. Momentary pleasure is always going to win over discomfort—so the default choice becomes sitting on the couch, scrolling, or watching TV.

That’s how people waste their lives:

Not because they’re incapable, but because they always do what they feel like doing instead of what matters.

Very few worthwhile achievements feel great in the moment. Almost everything worthwhile requires discomfort, risk, or effort.

Doing What You Want to Have Done

There’s a saying about writing: You don’t enjoy writing—but you love having written.

The joy comes after the work, not during it.

That principle applies everywhere: You don’t want to go to the gym today, but you wish you had gone yesterday. You don’t want to take on that difficult challenge, but you’d feel proud tomorrow if you had.

So do it today, so that tomorrow you’ll be glad it’s done.

This mindset turns ambition into action instead of wishful thinking.

A Simple Test for Decisions

Ask yourself: When I’m done, will I be glad I did this? If yes, it’s worth doing now.

Will I wish I hadn’t done it? If yes, don’t do it—ever.

This filters out the empty, meaningless distractions and focuses you on the actions that build the life you want.

Why Ambitious People Win

People with no ambition demand instant gratification. They can’t tolerate discomfort, even briefly.

They need every moment to feel good.

But here’s the reality:

If success felt good in every moment, everyone would be successful.

The fact that it requires discomfort is what separates doers from dreamers. This keeps the lazy people out of the game.

Ambition is the willingness to endure temporary discomfort in exchange for lasting fulfillment.

Right Now, You Still Have Time

You’re alive. You can still do the things you want to have done. Every ambitious choice you make now becomes tomorrow’s achievement.

The lazy path leads to regret. The ambitious path leads to meaning.

And you get to choose.

There are no limitations, but you have to be willing to start at square one. To start with no skills. To look stupid in front of everyone.

If you're willing to decide you want to do something new, go down the path and not quit, and you have basic intelligence so you don't repeat mistakes...Well, there are no limitations to what you can do.

This is the difference between wanting and deciding.

Stop using motivation as your only fuel. The only lasting fuel is routine. And you only get a routine by dragging yourself on the days when you have no motivation. Over and over. Showing up for yourself even when you don’t want to. Brute force.

Why routines?

• Routines are necessary for your happiness. The acts of life we repeat every day need to be automatized. They must be turned into stable and reliable habits, so they lose their complexity and gain predictability and simplicity.
• Routines can make you more productive. You'll have fewer decisions to make, which lowers stress.

Sounds great! How do I get started?

Start by creating routines for the morning, evening and other parts of the day and you’ll feel more in control.

Choose weekly routines too, where you tie a task to a day of the week.

If you want to build or create anything real, you have to learn how to operate through the hard times. That is the separator between people who win and people who don't. If you're going to quit when you hit a small speedbump, you're not gonna make it.

If you can become the kind of person that can get through anything that comes your way, you're executing at least double the rate of everyone else.

The key is being able to execute even when you don't feel like it. It makes you legitimately unbeatable.

In the classic Disney movie Mulan, both Chien Po and Shan Yu demonstrated ridiculous feats of strength. But which one was better?

Working with Gemini, I've found the answer.

Shan Yu

In the finale of the movie, Shan Yu stalks Mulan like an angry lion. In a key sequence, Mulan manages to climb up to the roof. Does Shan Yu climb up after her? Heck no. He jumps through the roof!

The Physics of the Jump

To jump through a wooden ceiling and land on a roof about 3 stories up, Shan Yu has to generate a ridiculous amount of force.

Vertical Distance: In the palace, those ceilings are massive. A jump from the floor to the rooftop is roughly 25–30 feet. For context, the world record for a vertical jump is about 5 feet. Shan Yu is jumping 6 times higher than the best human in history.

Breaking Force: He doesn't just jump; he smashes through a tiled, wooden-beam roof. That requires "piercing force." He is essentially turning his own body into a 250-lb cannonball.

The Launch: To reach that height while breaking through an obstacle, his legs would have to exert roughly 10,000 to 12,000 Newtons of force at the moment of takeoff. That is the equivalent of a small car hitting a wall at 30 mph.

Ok, enough about Shan Yu. What about...

Chien-Po

In the epic mountain scene, Mulan causes an avalanche killing thousands of men. Fortunately, The crew finds safety behind a huge boulder. Mulan and Khan go back to save Li Shang. Somehow, this war horse is able to run through the avalanche. They save Li Shang but then the all of the crew are sent over the mountain. That's when Chien Po pulls them to safety.

Given his height and build, a realistic estimate for Chien-Po would be between 350 and 420 lbs (159–190 kg). He appears to be about 6'8" to 7'0" (203–213 cm).

In the mountain pass scene, Chien-Po shows amazing endurance strength. He held 3,000 pounds for a long period of time without moving. This is a high-end industrial crane. Here's the breakdown:

1. Khan (The Warhorse): ~1,200 lbs. (A sturdy, armored Chinese warhorse would be heavy and muscular).
2. Mulan: ~115 lbs.
3. Captain Li Shang: ~180 lbs.
4. Yao & Ling: ~320 lbs combined.
5. 4 Other Soldiers: ~600 lbs.
6. Armor & Gear: ~200 lbs total (Helmets, swords, and lacquered leather/metal plates for everyone).
7. Mushu & Cri-Kee: Negligible (but they're there!).

For a human to lift that much weight and stay balanced, they need a massive "base." A person weighing only 250 lbs would be tipped over by the sheer physics of lifting a horse. To have the center of gravity required for that lift, his body mass needs to be substantial.

The "Shock Load" Factor In physics, pulling a "static" weight (sitting still) is one thing, but catching a falling weight is much harder.

When the horse and soldiers slipped, they gained momentum. Chien-Po didn't just lift them; he had to stop their fall. This adds "G-force," effectively doubling or tripling the force exerted on his arms and the rope for a few seconds. To hold that position, Chien-Po was likely resisting over 5,000 lbs of force at the moment of impact.

But which one is the most impressive?

In terms of pure physical impossibility, Shan Yu's jump might actually be more impossible. While a very large human could theoretically hold a huge weight for a few seconds, no human being - regardless of size - can jump 30 feet into the air.

And there you be havin' it!

So, picture this

I’m at Disney Land in sunny California, sweating buckets but still trying to make the most of it.

We’re hitting the rides, stuffing our faces – you know, living the dream. And then, out of the blue, I see this older dude wearing the exact same t-shirt as me. What are the odds, right?

I couldn’t resist, so I sauntered over and said, “Hey, we’re twins!” This poor guy looks totally baffled at first, but when he realizes I’m pointing at our matching tees, his face lights up, and we have this epic bro-hug moment.

Then, just as things are getting good, his wife calls him away to their next adventure.

Classic!

Ah, good times.

I wish I’d kept touch with my brother Steve while he was still alive. He is the second oldest in the family and 11 years older than me. He was always kind of a goof off when I was a sapling.

I remember when my oldest brother passed gas, he ran out of the room and made the funniest face ever. He did other silly things. He would pick me up and put me on top of the refrigerator. I remember he would also give me neck rides around the house.

One day, we were watching TV (the Reds game I think) on a Saturday when there was a car wreck in front of our house. Side note, my dad would say that car wrecks should not be referred to as accidents because someone simply did something they shouldn’t have. Back to my story, we were inquisitive youngsters, so we looked out the living room window to see what was going down in Fort Thomas town. 

Just before the police showed up, one of the hippie-like dudes ran up the hill across the street with a big bag. He set it behind a tree, then came back down. So, my brother and I went up there to see what he was hiding. It was full of weed! We were going to take it but decided against that and gave it to the policemen who probably took it home and got super baked that night. Anyway, I later found out that those guys supplied Steve with weed. 

Steve smoked a lot of marijuana. It bothered me when I was younger. As I got older, I realized that he might have had some other issues. Maybe he was mentally challenged a tad. Some have speculated that he was schizophrenic. Symptoms of this can be difficulty concentrating, lack of motivation, and withdrawal from social activities. Sounds possible but I don’t really know. 

One day, probably in 1996, my siblings stopped by my house with Steve. I didn’t realize it right away, but they were there to check out the first-floor apartment. Steve was in between places to live I recall. At that point, I had a 2-year-old daughter and not much money to spare. He indicated that he wanted to move in, but I was cagey in response. I needed a real tenant to help pay my bills. Steve did hold down a job as a cab driver, but I didn’t think he would pay me and would sit around smoking weed all day. I wish I was in a better place financially to help him. 

As years went by, he got worse. He ended up living in a garbage motel in Covington. My dad gave him money to help support him. My sister bought him groceries and gave him money too. Some of that money supported his habits which maybe is why I never did anything to chip in. I still think about how I could have helped him. Maybe he couldn’t be helped. I don’t know. In 2002, Steve died in that motel. He loved honey buns and McDonald's which may explain why, when they found him, he weighed over 350 pounds!

Is it possible that his sole purpose in life was simply to serve as a warning to me and others? Watching him go from a silly teenager to a pot-addicted recluse is all I needed to never try the ganja. I was around people smoking it at parties many times. I always declined thinking that if I liked it, I would never want to stop doing it, and could end up like him. 

If I had kept in better touch with him back then, would anything have changed? Well, I’ll never know.

Our family didn’t really take loads of pictures. The ones we did take ended up in photo albums chilling on a shelf in our living room. We had like three or four albums that us kids flipped through pretty often.

One of the albums had pictures of a family trip that my family took before I was born. The Wiedeman family ventured off to the Smoky Mountains, and let me tell you, it seems like I missed out on some serious adventures! There’s a hilarious photo of Dad and my two oldest brothers looking a bit nervous on a ski lift ascending a mountain. I can almost hear them thinking, “Why did we agree to this?!” 

In school, my classmates were always blabbering about their fancy vacations. I couldn’t help but feel left out, you know? So, one fine day, little ol’ me, all six or seven years of age, mustered up the courage to ask my dad if we could go on a vacation that summer. And guess what? He actually said yes! Ecstatic, I dashed off to fetch our ancient suitcase and started packing my itty-bitty clothes. That dusty suitcase sat there in our bedroom, right on the floor, for the entire summer. Yup, no vacation in sight. Needless to say, I was disappointed. Looking back, I can’t fathom how my parents could pull off such an epic prank. I mean, they watched me bouncing off the walls with excitement, only to burst my bubble in the end. Ah, well, I guess I’ve outgrown my suitcase woes now.

We took a trip to Kings Island once. Quite a blast! But honestly, the thought of another vacation seemed more like a fairy tale than reality. Then one fine day, out of the blue, my folks announced a trip to Nashville, TN! A whole new state to explore! Opryland! We crammed into our trusty old Ford station wagon and off we went. With only ten of us in a station wagon, let’s just say it was a cozy ride!

We checked into a Holiday Inn and got separate rooms. The hotel experience was amazing, way better than being at home. There was a cool pool, so we all took a dip. We mostly paddled around, which was awesome. It was the first time I saw my mom in a bathing suit, which was a bit weird. My dad didn’t feel like joining in on the fun. I remember telling my brother that I needed to use the restroom. His advice? Just go in the pool. Nobody would know. So, yep, I actually did it – peed in the pool. Quite the experience, but definitely not something I’d do again or admit to!

I remember Opryland being just like any other amusement park. The main attraction was a roller coaster with a loop. Despite everyone’s reluctance, including mine, my sister managed to persuade me to give it a try. And you know what? It was ridiculously fun! We ended up riding it over and over again. Maybe there weren’t many people there. Who knows?

Anyway, that was our one and only family vacation while I was alive. Other than urinating in a pool, this story kind of sucked!

The Bar Scene

In 1985, the drinking age in Kentucky was 21 but in Ohio it was just 19. Unlike most of my friends, I wasn’t 19 in 1985. But my brother was. We don’t look all that much alike but, see, he just got back from Army basic training.

You may not know this but when you go through the hell of basic training, you have to get a buzz cut. When he returned home, he didn’t have a driver’s license, but he did have a military ID. His military ID had a tiny picture of his closely shaven dome. We were basically twins if one of us was buzzed up on top.

I borrowed that ID a lot and went to the University of Cincinnati bars in Clifton at least twice a week. It was accepted wherever I went. Either we looked more alike than I realized, or college bars need people to thrive so any ID would have been accepted. I’m torn on this one.

I can still remember my first bar experience at a place built during the disco era called Burgundy’s, formerly The Light House. The dance floor lit up and blinked all colors. It was just like the bar in Saturday Night Fever. I ordered my first beer and sat at a table to soak up the atmosphere. The song banging was The Perfect Way by Scritti Politti (criminally under streamed on Spotify if you ask me). I noticed some dude facing out dancing like nobody was watching. I think of this guy every time I hear that song. Little did I know that I would be that guy dancing like nobody was watching not far in my future.

We soon branched out to other places. Our favorite place was called Moose’s on Calhoun. I recall that they had the cheapest beer and cover charge.

One day they raised their prices. My friend Sam was in a bad mood anyway, but the price hike really set him off. I was in the disgusting lavatory doing my business when Sam walked in grumbling about the beer prices. He went into the stall to do his thing. I soon noticed that he was urinating all over the floor. 

“Sam, what are you doing?” I asked. 

“They raised the effing beer prices! I’m getting even!”

This other time, they had a music trivia contest where they gave out beer signs and t-shirts for the first person to answer music trivia questions correctly. This dude was asking obscure questions that only I knew the answer to. The one question I remember: “What was Sammy Hagar’s first band?” “Montrose!” I told him and collected my first of at least five prizes. I won so many that I started giving the answers so others could win. I have no idea what happened to the cool signs that I won.

My music trivia knowledge also won me Kenny Loggins concert tickets at Burgundy’s a couple years later. The lesson here is: Learn music trivia instead of wasting time on college stuff.

This other time, my friend's brother was in a huge darts tournament (they have those?) at Memorial Coliseum in Lexington. Road trip! A few of us went down there. We didn’t spend much time watching darts. Instead, we went to the Two Keys Tavern. We sat down with some UK students and were having a good time when Fred decided to dance like nobody was watching. He had a tendency to do that after a few beverages. He basically took over the small dance floor. 

A girl I knew from elementary school spotted me. I hadn’t seen her in years, so I was like, “Hey Nancy” but she was really mad that Fred was acting a fool on the dance floor. She was like, “You have to get him out of here!” I was confused. “He’s not bothering anybody,” I told her, but she was not having it. I learned that day that UK students are very uptight. By then I had way too much to drink as well. 

We left and headed back to the darts tournament (yes, they exist!). None of should have been driving so that was a horrible mistake. Suddenly, my friend thought we were going the wrong way and abruptly turned around in the median on the highway. He had a little Honda Prelude which had no chance of making it across. We got stuck in a mud pit immediately. My guardian angel must have been watching because a tow truck happened to be right there. The tow truck guy just finished pulling someone else out and then pulled us out of the ditch we were in. The timing was uncanny. We thought we were saved until a cop came over to check on us. He popped his head in to see if we were ok and I puked all over myself as he looked on. I was pretty sure I was headed for jail but no! He let us go. My other friend drove us safely home. I had puke all over my lap for the trip but that’s better than jail time. 

So, the lesson here is obvious. Don’t turn around in a median UNLESS there’s a tow truck sitting right there to pull you out. 

Oh, and guardian angels exist. If a slacker who tends to make poor decisions can make it, it can’t be just luck, right?

1985

Let’s go way back to 1985 when life was much better. We didn’t have the internet or cell phones back then. We had to watch 80s videos on cable TV. Yes, it was a much simpler life. 

I graduated high school that year and started college at Northern Kentucky University. Tuition was $472. I had no clue what I wanted to do. I thought about getting into radio because I like music so much. However, that’s not really practical. The other option was Business. I’ve come to know that when a kid says he’s going to major in Business, he probably is as clueless as I was. 

On class registration day, I headed over to sign up for classes. This was the days before computers so there were walls covered in printouts with class options. I was overwhelmed and saw some counselors there, so I met with one. This guy set me up with 12 credit hours. Three classes were in the morning, but my English class was 1-4 on Thursdays. 

It was during this time that I started working at Boron (now BP) in the worst part of Covington. A third shift position soon opened up. I thought it was perfect. I would work and do homework at the same time. All sorts of criminals and prostitutes came by to get gas and cigarettes which were cheaper than Ohio apparently. After work at 7 AM, I went to class. This was yet another idiotic decision. I rarely did any schoolwork and was exhausted by the time I left for school. I literally fell asleep in my English class most every week. One Thursday, driving home, I nodded off on I-275. I drifted over two lanes! Someone honked at me waking me up. That may have been my guardian angel saving my life. 

I sucked at college. I never read the material or prepared for class. My attendance was not anything close to exemplary and I crammed for every test. This thorough lack of effort was reflected in my grades. Eventually, I figured things out, though.

After a year or two as an Undecided major, I saw the movie Wall Street (a great movie by the way). I was inspired by the inner workings of the financial world and decided to major in Finance. I made good progress and liked my classes. Sounds good, right? Not really. One day, I was talking to another Finance major who was switching to Accounting. He was graduating soon and found that finding a job in finance was difficult. He was finding that most finance jobs require accounting degrees, so he was taking another year to get that. 

What?!? Nobody told me THIS!

Sure enough, I looked at the jobs in the newspaper and he was right. I HATED accounting, though. Plus, my brother was already doing it so I couldn’t follow his footsteps, right? As I pondered all this, I noticed that the job ads were filled with IT jobs. There were more IT jobs than any other field and it wasn’t even close. I was never the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I didn’t miss what the career gods were trying to tell me. I immediately started my journey in IT.

Look at me now, right?

My dad worked hard to support a large family of 11 kids.

My dad was more of a “leading by example” kind of guy. He’d hustle to support our big, chaotic family.

Every morning, like clockwork, he’d rise at 5, sip his coffee, and peruse the morning paper. Then he’d line up an variety of cereal boxes on the table next to a whole gallon of milk. After that, it was wake-up call for us! Once we’d scarfed down breakfast, he’d make sure we were all sorted and shipshape before we headed out.

Off he went to his job (as a carpenter, no less). And come evening, like clockwork, he’d swing by AmeriStop for his essentials: milk and beer. Oh, the joys of family life!

At 6 PM, he returned and opened a cold pre-dinner brewski.  We all sat down and ate as a family. He told us about his day. Then, after dinner, he drank a cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette or three. Ok, maybe smoking and drinking beer wasn’t the best example. That’s a long day, though. He was probably exhausted. 

As the song goes, “We had it all when we didn’t have much”.

Nobody wants your advice. They listen to their own advice.

That's right, people aren’t exactly eager for your pearls of wisdom. They might feel miffed or assume you’re being a bit patronizing—or who knows? When my saplings were young, I casually sprinkled in some financial, career, fitness, education, hygiene, and other advice into our chats all the time. They tuned out most of it, of course.

My dad must've known this as he wasn’t the type of person who passed out advice. Actually, both of my parents were like that which might help explain why I was an idiot until my late 20s. I probably could have used some along the way. 

But I wouldn't have listened anyway!

There was this one time, way back when I was in my late teens. My dad was talking at the dinner table. I think one of us (pretty sure it wasn’t me) screwed up somehow. I can still hear his voice saying, “In your life, there’ll be plenty of people who want to bring you down. They’ll try to stop you from getting anywhere. Don’t help them.”

Ok Dad!

Oh, one more nugget. He was frustrated with one of my unmotivated siblings one day.

After a long back and forth about this, he finally said, “Dooooo something!” Dad didn’t care about what we did but sitting around was not acceptable. 

In a nutshell, my dad was more of a “leading by example” kind of guy.

Let’s have a good laugh about the ad I placed in the Church newsletter - The Parish Pulse. My brilliant idea was to rake leaves and do other odd jobs for a whopping $2 per hour. Can you believe it? Surprisingly, I actually got a few customers with this offer, but there’s one particular job that stands out.

An old man named John Bussey caught wind of my ad. And what did Mr. Bussey need, you may ask? Well, his gutters were in desperate need of a thorough cleaning. As the mastermind behind the odd jobs business, I recruited my brother Mike to assist me in this task.

When we arrived at Mr. Bussey’s house, we discovered only one ladder. I was pretty sure this was a one-man job as only one person can use a ladder at a time. Mike jumped on that ladder and took charge. As for me, well, I played the role of the spectator.

At the end of the day, when all the leaves and gunk were removed from the gutters and the job was finally complete, I stepped forward to collect the hard-earned cash.

This old dude was like "Oh, he does all the work and you collect the money, huh?"

I mean, I was the brains behind this operation, after all.

After that, Mr. Bussey gave Mike a few calls and insisted that he visit alone. I was cool with it, but shouldn’t I have received a finders’ fee? I mean, I did facilitate the whole thing, right?

One fine day, Mike returned from his gig with Mr. Bussey and dropped a bombshell — the old man was giving away some of his weights!

And guess what? He asked me if I wanted them. Um, heck yeah!

So, off we trotted on a mission to rescue those weights from Mr. Bussey’s basement. As soon as Mr. Bussey laid eyes on me, he muttered, “I remember you. You didn’t want to work but collected the money.”

I gave him the best comeback I had, “Dude, you only had one ladder!” Let’s just say he wasn’t impressed with my quick wit.

Old Mr. Bussey may not have been my biggest fan, but hey, I still have those weights to this day, and they’re likely to outlast even my most durable relationships.

When your parents don't give you any money, you've got to find a way.

At some point, we found out that there are recycling companies that pay for aluminum cans. At one of our houses, there was a huge field beyond our back yard. I think it’s a subdivision now.

Across that field was an apartment complex that my dad actually built. This apartment complex had a handful of dumpsters. I don’t remember how the idea came about but my brother Mike and I must have noticed that there were tons of aluminum cans in the dumpsters.

So, twice a week on the day before trash day, we would walk over and root through trash pulling out whatever cans we could find. I still look back and can’t believe that we did this. 

I often found discarded 8-track tapes. Here's three that I remember:

1. Candy-O by The Cars - this is a great album that is still in my rotation today
2. The Jazz Singer by Neil Diamond - Seriously, another gem!
3. War - this one had Lo Rider on it. It pretty much sucks though.
4. Live at Leeds by The Who - I would probably like it much more today

I also found a huge drum filled with brand new tennis balls. We found other treasures too. We gathered up the cans then returned home where we smashed them with a sledge hammer. This enabled us to fit more into a bag. When we filled a trash bag, we took it to a recycler in and sold them for something like 50 cents a pound.

Yay! Money!

When my family lived in NKY, we had a store nearby (a whopping 1.1 miles away) called Convenient. The store later decided to upgrade its name to Ameristop, as if that would make it more enticing.

Anyway, during the scorching summer months, my three mischievous brothers and I would embark on an epic journey to the store. If we were feeling particularly organized, which was rare, we’d brainstorm the night prior and leave a desperate plea for our dad’s contribution.

Trust me, it was far easier to scribble down a note than to ask him face-to-face. We carefully positioned the note by the coffee maker. The note usually went something like this:

Dear Dad, Please leave us some money so we can buy something at Ameristop. Thanks

My dad always seemed to have a pocket full of change and would usually leave us some on top of our note. The four of us divided the money and walked to the store. 

I wanted three things

1. a pack of baseball cards - 15 cents
2. a can of Coke - 20 cents
3. a candy bar (usually Snickers or Reese’s) - 15 cents

My numbers could be off, but I recall 50 cents would buy all three. If I had less, I had to make a choice. The bad news is we didn’t usually get enough for all three from my dad, but the good news is we could find money.

The road to Ameristop was a busy road. There are long stretches with no houses making it a perfect road for people to throw bottles from their car. Back in those days, a bottle of RC cola, Coke, Pepsi, etc. was worth 10 cents in exchange.

On the way to Ameristop, we looked for bottles. Can you believe people would throw money away like that? Crazy. Just finding one bottle could be the difference between a candy bar and no candy bar. 

Raxx

When I turned 16, I decided that I wanted a job. I was too old to leave my dad notes and asking for things is just not something I liked doing anyway.

So, I saw an ad in the newspaper for Raxx restaurant. I never heard of it but applied for a job. All I had to do was go to the nearby store and fill out the application. They interviewed me right there.

A week later, I went back for a second interview and was hired! Talk about acing the interview or maybe they were just in desperate need of some budget-friendly labor. To this very day, I’m torn.

Could it have been my charm that won them over? Or was it simply the fact that they couldn’t resist the tantalizing allure of my sweat and toil? The mystery remains…

Anyway, believe it or not, they thought all I was worth a measly $2.85 per hour (maybe it wasn’t my enchanting personality after all). The minimum wage was $3.35, but since I was under 18, they were allowed to pay me even less.

It was a total bummer, but I was desperate for cash and didn’t want to depend on my parents for money.

Oh, and let me tell you, the store I worked at wasn’t even close to home. Commuting was a total nightmare. I had to endure long bus rides to restaraunt and the fare was a staggering 75 cents. Sometimes, I could borrow Mom’s car or have my brother pick me up. 

Oh, here’s another thing that sucked about this job. Whenever there weren’t many customers, they would just boot some of us out and send us home. Can you believe it? I’d drag myself all the way there and then, bam, kicked out after just an hour. Talk about a waste of time!

I did all the jobs there, but I really shined at running the drive-thru register. They usually put girls at the front register. Maybe they were sexist…not really sure. This sounds dumb but the way the drive-thru register worked, I had to make change in my head. Unlike most of the workers, I was really good at simple math and making change. In time, I worked the drive-thru register every time. At the end of my shift, I had to cash out my drawer and was usually spot on. Impressive, huh? You might say that making change was my first work skill. 

Raxx was a good job, though. I made a little money and met some fun people. It was probably worth it.

So, what was she like anyway?

My mom had lots of kids. She loved hanging out with us and keeping us entertained.

She had tons of experience, so she knew how to have fun with us. Mom was a pro at giving big hugs, cooking up a delicious dinner every night (complete with meat, starch, and veggies), and teaching us our ABCs. 

Check out these fun tidbits

1. We had some funny rules when it came to words. We couldn’t say “pea” or “piss” at all. Nope, instead we had to use “tinkle” or “urinate.” And oh boy, “ain’t” was definitely a no-no. Mom always said those words were for peasants.
2. Her hands were always like ice cubes. Sometimes, she’d sneak up behind me, stick her freezing cold hands under my shirt, and give me a big shock on my warm back.
3. Mom was not a morning person. She never saw us off to school because she liked to sleep in until 9 or 10 in the morning. If she had to get up earlier, well, let’s just say she wasn’t the happiest camper.
4. Every night, she’d crack open a bottle of Pepsi and plop down in front of the TV until the Johnny Carson show was over.
5. As we grew older, Mom definitely had no filter. She’d just say whatever was on her mind, not caring about anyone’s feelings. But when I was younger, she wasn’t quite like that. She was more careful with her words.

Independence

Mom often would say she raised us to be independent. In addition to arranging our own transportation, we washed our own clothes, made our own lunches, and managed our own schedules.

If you missed a ballgame or some other event, that’s on you. The expectation was not to ask for much. Figure it out yourself.

Even now, I avoid asking anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. I hope this doesn’t sound like complaining as it did have its upside. We had freedom to walk to the store, go bowling, or catch a bus to downtown Cincinnati without being under the watchful eye of a parent.

Sometimes I wonder how we all made it, but we did so she must’ve done something right.

Lots of people have that one teacher who stands out

Way back when, I was a feisty 12-year-old facing off against a pint-sized nun in eighth-grade English class.

Lines!

Now, this nun, Sister Effie, was no pushover. Back in those days, nuns were as tough as they came, ruling with an iron fist. While some nuns went for the classic ruler whack (I had my share of those), Sister Effie had her own special touch: the infamous “lines.” This meant writing the same sentence over and over as punishment for your mischief. If you dared to speak out of turn, Sister Effie would say something like “That’ll be 1000 lines. Due tomorrow.”

For example, I had this dumb way of writing my Ts in cursive. She made me write hundreds of Ts until I got it right.

Ah, the delightful memories of Catholic school!

At first, I couldn’t stand Sister Effie. She was all about those English rules, you know, like using “both” instead of “the both”. It’s like her voice is permanently stuck in my head!

But get this – on our last day of class, as we were about to head off to high school to make a series of bad choices, Sister Effie dropped the bombshell. She told us that she loved every single one of us. And you know what? I actually bought it!

Sister Effie, the drill sergeant, sending love to a bunch of budding teenage rebels.

What a sweet lady!

Sister Effie is probably long gone, but her memory lives on, haunting my thoughts like a ghost at a haunted house party.

If you center your life on someone...

• You’re no longer hard to get which is a bad look.
• It’s irritating. Imagine having someone build their entire emotional life around you. Yuck!
• You will come off as desperate and needy. Avoid that.

These are bad signs

• Often assessing your relationship, a lot or asking "Where do we stand?"
• When you reach out and they don't reach back
• You only meet on their terms

Instead remember...

• Don't chase people.
• Work hard and be yourself. The right people will find their way into your life.
• Before you go looking for the right person, be the right person.

And finally...

• Beware of someone who is only focused on their own interests, at the exclusion of your interests.
• Meet people where they are, versus where you think they should be.
• Don't try to change someone. A commitment held together only by threats and restrictions isn't one at all. Accept someone as-is or leave.
• Never trust anyone that lies to you.

Make sure you have four things in your life

• Something to do
• Someone to love
• Something to hope for
• Something to believe in

A man walked into the family room of his house.

“It stinks in here,” he announced before leaving and going into the kitchen.

“It stinks in here, too,” he said again and walked into dining room.

“And this room stinks as well,” he said, screwing up his face as he did.

His family looked at him and said in one voice, “You’ve got cheese on your moustache.”

He washed it off and of course everything started to smell better. It’s easy to complain about the world around you.

Your job, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your favorite sporting team, the traffic, the economy, the government, the list can go on and on.

But here’s the thing: the folks who whine the loudest usually have their own issues coloring their view.

If you feel like the world just sucks and everything's a mess, stop whining about it thinking it'll magically improve. Instead, try switching up how you look at things! Embrace gratitude, pick up some optimism, and keep that sense of wonder alive to see life as an amazing chance to experience something truly great.

Is it possible to know if someone is lying to you? Sadly, not really. You can’t always tell the difference between an honest answer and a liar with lots of practice. Listen to your gut and look for patterns.

My mom used to say she could look into my eyes and tell if I was lying. I don't know what she was looking for, but some people spot lies by watching for changes in a person's demeanor. Things like eye movement, fidgeting, and acting nervous are supposed to be dead giveaways. It's not that simple.

Every liar has a tell. Once you spot it, you'll know their pattern and the lies will be easily spotted. Here are some patterns:

Omission

Some people lie by omission. They'll leave out important details. People who lie by omission will do it over and over.

You: "Who'd you go to lunch with?"

Liar: "Bob"

Later you find out that he also went with Raquel.

You again: "You lied! You didn't tell me that Raquel was there, too!"

Liar: "I didn’t lie; I just didn’t tell you."

Um...ok.

Adding details

These liars will introduce characters that don't exist to cover something up. They also might add details to the story.

You: "Who'd you go to lunch with?"

Liar: "I went to lunch with Raquel, Bob, Bill, and Steve. Bob told us about his fishing trip."

Later you find out that he had lunch with only Raquel.

The exaggerator

This type of liar will tell tales that are based on fact but stretch the truth a lot. In the movie Grease, you'll see Danny do lots of this when he's bragging about his "Summer Nights" with Sandy. We find out later that Danny is an exaggerator. Yes, he and Sandy did spend the summer together but let's just say that it didn't go exactly as he described.

The key to an exaggerator is that their story usually can't be verified. In the movie, he thought Sandy returned to Australia and he'd never see her again. Unverifiable claims like Danny's usually can only be spotted by using the "Oh really" test. But do this internally. Don't call them out.

You: "Have you ever been to Los Angeles?"

Liar: "Totally. I had the best time hanging out with the Kardashians!"

You (to yourself): "Really? Really? You hung out with the Kardashians?"

Here are your options when dealing with an exaggerator.

• Let it go.
• Avoid them.
• Change the conversation.
• Call them out. I don't recommend this.
• Ask follow-up questions (my preferred approach).

You: "Oh wow! So fun! What is Kim like?"

Exaggerators can be a lot but just accept them. If you can't deal, they aren't friendship material anyway.

Projection

This type of liar will blame you for something that they're doing. Remember that cheaters think everyone cheats and liars think everyone lies. Use this to your advantage. If someone is overly suspicious of you for no reason, they're telling you not to trust them.

Projection liar: "I saw you flirting with Raquel!"

Later you find out she was flirting with Steve.

Questioning the source

Clever liars almost always question the source of the information first. They might even do this in an intimidating manner. On the other hand, an honest person will look confused as to why the question is being asked.

Check this out:

You: "Did you eat my cupcake?"

Liar: "Who told you that!?!"

Honest Person: "We have cupcakes? Anyway, I've been gone all day."

You can't always go by that, though. If the liar knows the question is coming, they will be ready with a straight denial. A firm denial doesn’t mean anything but a lack of denial, combined with questioning the source, is almost always a lie.

Trust

If any of these describes you, please stop. You should never trust anyone that lies to you and don't expect trust if you're a liar.

Start here:

Personal experience (not reliable)

"I stopped eating carbs and felt amazing, so carbs are bad."

Um...not sure

Experience of people you know (still shaky)

“Everyone I know who moved cities became happier.”

Cool… but your friends aren’t a controlled experiment.

Experts who work for money (conflicted)

Nutrition advice sponsored by food companies

Financial advice from people selling funds

Not useless — just biased by default.

Scientific studies (better, but not sacred)

“Coffee is good” → “Coffee is bad” → “Coffee is good again”

The method is solid. The execution can be messy.

Common sense (context-dependent)

“Hard work always pays off” (sometimes true, sometimes painfully false)

“Natural things are safer” (not always)

Common sense works best within familiar systems.

Pattern recognition (powerful but dangerous)

No single source of truth is trustworthy on its own. But if two or more independent ways of knowing line up, the odds go way up that you’re dealing with something real.

If you get a headache when you drink iced tea, you've hit two of the above:

• Personal experience - “Every time I drink iced tea, I get a headache.”
• Pattern recognition - Repeated pairing of iced tea → headache.

You’re rational to assume iced tea causes your headaches.

You’re not claiming universal truth. You used two independent signals (experience + pattern). That’s enough for practical decisions.

Let's say there's a scientific study that says eating chocolate cake is a great way to lose weight. Your friend tries it and gains 20 pounds.

So, we have one - the scientific study saying “cake helps weight loss”

But these say it's bunk:

• Direct personal experience (your friend)
• Pattern recognition (cake is calorie-dense)
• Common sense (calories matter)
• Experience of people you know (likely others tried it too)

So you have 1 out of 6. That’s not a close call.

If something is true, it tends to show up everywhere.

It doesn’t hide behind:

• Statistical gymnastics
• Expert-only explanations
• Decades-long predictions
• Moral pressure to agree

Real truth is loud.

Today, I decided to wear the same shirt that I wore yesterday. Seriously, who made the rule that a t-shirt needs a wash after a single wear?

If it's still fresh and clean, it's getting another round on my watch. I may just wear it again tomorrow!

This will be my new mantra: "If it's not grubby, it's my buddy!"

If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.

Systems are better than goals. You can use a system for almost anything.

Here are examples:

• Dieting - losing twenty pounds is a goal, but eating right is a system.
• Running - running a mile in five minutes is a goal, but following a training schedule is a system.
• School - getting an A in this course is a goal but going to class and studying daily make a system.
• Sales - Reaching a million dollars in sales is a goal but product knowledge and building customer relationships is a system.
• Coaching - Winning a championship is the goal but what your team does at practice each day is a system.

The problems with goals:

• The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement and disappointment at each turn. When they reach their goal, they no longer have a goal and need a new one which they haven’t accomplished yet. Then if they don’t reach the new goal, they might feel defeated. It’s a state of near-perpetual failure.
• Goals are not flexible. They are fine for games and simple tasks but are terrible for long term endeavors like health or career success. This is because things can change. For example, you can focus on a specific job but in doing so, you could be missing out on five better jobs.
• Goals are negative because they are telling you that you are not good enough yet but you will be when the goal is reached.
• Goals are stressful because a goal puts a huge burden on your shoulders.

The advantages of systems:

• Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do.
• A system increases your odds of success. Even if that system only improves the odds a little it adds up over a long life.
• Systems are flexible because they are general by nature so can evolve, improve, and survive.
• Systems focus on skills. Success is luck times skills. Therefore, systems increase the odds of getting lucky and reduce stupidity.

Success is a mundane process. It takes time. It's not always hard but it's boring and repetitive. It's hard to do boring and repetitive things. People fail because they can't do boring and repetitive things when the results don't show up right away.

That's why people don't succeed.

Understanding that things take time is a massive part of the success or failure of your goal. Most people don't give things enough time to materialize and they quit too soon.

There's an element that's out of your control. It's time. Nobody has built a business in two weeks. Nobody goes from fat to thin in two weeks. Not one person in the history of earth could get around this. It may look like it because you don't see the 5 or 10 years of work that got a successful person there.

You can't make time go faster or success come sooner. The only thing you can control is the next action.